My cries for help!

Dear God,

I'm writing this to you in the hope that you'll heed my prayers & fulfill one wish of mine. I dun wanna live this life anymore. Please take my life away. Just one wish and I'll promise I won't disturb you anymore alright...

I've been through a lot for the past two years. Shit! Purely shit. Two years might not seem that long. But, these two years have had drastic impact on the way I view life as it is now. From a gawky teenager to a matured woman. People who have come and gone out of my life taught me tremendous life lessons, which I managed to pull through together, with your help and guidance. You heard my cries every night, you saw my fears, you witnessed me suffering there, engulfed in the arms of demons, I was strangled in thick smoke where no one else except You, were present! Yet, with each and every consecutive failure I faced, I grew MUCH MUCH STRONGER, at the same time, I became NUMB! Every decision I made from the start, wasn't decided by me. Whereas, others determined my life path. People ruined my life. People killed me inside out. People disguised themselves, putting up a fake front. That was life then. This is STILL the same life now. Nothing has changed, except the fact that I have grown wiser enough to throw you the remark, ''Show me the genuine ones for ONCE, Lord!"


I'm frustrated, TIRED of everything! People dun treat me right. They take me for-granted. On the other hand, I am the kinda person who can TOLERATE all their shit. Is this fair? I can't always be the one who's taking the initiative every now and then just to ensure harmony, so that there won't be any misunderstandings. I'm getting sick. I swear! People just DON'T appreciate me and all am asking you is WHY IS THAT SO? Is it because I'm having very high expectations of people. Well...I don't think so Lord. Don't you think this is merely the basic requirement in any relationship?- be it parents-children, friends, lovers, siblings... Am i really asking too much? All I can say is...my expectations of people, especially guys, are getting higher and higher each time, simply because no one is meeting the basic requirements of mutual respect. I'll keep raising the benchmark. So don't blame me if I appear to be cold-hearted in future. You know very well your child is not the definition of emotionless. I have emotions. I feel things strongly, intensely. But I'm afraid I have to suppress these emotions and appear to be cold on the outside, so that I don't get disappointed in later stages.


In fact, I wouldn't be bothered if any other person does this to me. The worst part is that the person whom I trust the MOST( You know why), turned out to be a complete stranger. He's no longer the person I used to know. If that's the case Lord, why did u make him save my life in the first place? My death could have been played right in front of your eyes. Why did u build the trust, the bond between us so deeply that you had to shoot a sudden arrow of realization across me...just like that!? And I'm sure everything happens for a reason. Tell me why! I brushed against death, came back alive..just to experience death again? How many times do you want me to undergo this grueling process? Its draining my energy.


I dun wanna appear stupid. I was naive, once. Not now. Naive till a point where no one could have imagined. Innocence- the only word I was accustomed to then. Now, I'm clouded with so much of negativity till I'm even questioning you, God! Prove your existence to me. I know you exist. I felt you then. Now, you've drifted apart from me. FAR FAR away from me you're standing with a smile. Explain. I need to hear you speak. You love seeing your child suffer, don't you? Give me an answer to those tears that are streaming down my face. I feel pain. Are you gonna be ignorant to my pleas and keep introducing me to people, who are not worthy of me? And sadly to say, these are the kinda people I've been giving in to, although its not my fault. I do it because I do not wish to upset them, in addition to my endurance. But that doesn't mean there's room for complacency.


Please take away my life. My passion to thrive has died.


Sincerely,
Lost Child
:'(